Imperfect-ing Hospitality
We are encouraged to welcome the unreached in our midst—neighbors and international students and refugees—into our homes. That can be intimidating! “I don’t have a big house or nice things, and I don’t know how to be a good host or hostess.” All that might be true. But what might they, or any guests, really expect or desire?
I saw a “how-to” headline recently that said something about perfecting our hosting. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I rarely actually read articles—the summary notes are good enough for me—but I saw this as an interesting article. The night before, I had received a phone call from a friend who said she was passing though my city and would like to drop by. When she called, I was actually driving home from dropping off nieces and nephews at their homes after a very busy VBS day. The theme that day had been dressing up as if a bear had gone through our campsite and we were just wearing what tattered clothing we had left (yes, I entered into the theme and was dressed accordingly). Of course I said to my friend, “Sure! Come on over! And I’ll make us some dinner.”
When I arrived home, I realized that my third-trimester pregnancy brain had neglected to remember that grocery shopping was important and my house was a complete mess. The dining room table only had open spots for my husband and me. I barely had time to meet my husband at the door at our house and briefly explain that my friend was almost at our home. Oh, and we needed to serve her dinner with a few ghost cans of food in the pantry.
The evening was great. No one cared that we had chicken and rice with vegetables and that everything came from a can. No one cared that I had to clear a space at the dining room table. No one cared that I was wearing a very old, large t-shirt and my gardening pants that have permanent stains on them. We had a wonderful and encouraging time. And it was imperfect hospitality.
These situations have happened to me time and time again, and I’m so thankful for that. Hospitality doesn’t have to be an Instagram-picture-perfect event. We can be welcoming to those in our churches and neighborhoods, and to those here temporarily or permanently, by just being kind and welcoming others into our lives. We can witness to those in our communities by opening our lives and our messy homes to them. We talk about this often when thinking about witnessing to refugees and international students, or to neighbors and family. Often people are searching for a community and come from cultures of great hospitality. What a huge opportunity we have to welcome them into our imperfect homes. Sometimes we don’t even have homes to welcome them to, so we practice hospitality at church!
Welcome the visitors, sit with people who are not talking to anyone else at church lunches and activities. Even if you are by nature more shy, sacrifice that to welcome others. And yes, I’m saying that as someone who is quite introverted by nature, but have been practicing being welcoming.
First Peter 4:9 says, “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” I wasn’t always good at that as a child when the day before or day of having people over it was a mad dash to have everything clean and perfect for people to come over. I grumbled a lot then, but I slowly learned the joy of hospitality, especially when it is imperfect.
The 1 Peter passage goes on to talk about everyone’s gifts. This is important when talking about “imperfect” hospitality. Everyone has their own skills and talents. I am not the best baker in the world, but that’s ok. I don’t have to make some fancy home-made dessert. That’s a limitation I have and that is great! I don’t have a huge house and yard that can hold tons of people, so we host small groups of people, or we just spill out over the yard and house and use camping chairs. There is a man at our church that faithfully picks up other church members who either don’t have rides or are struggling with personal things to make sure they all get to church on Sunday mornings. He shows wonderful hospitality to men who just need a friend, who just need someone to reach out to them and be hospitable. He isn’t showing up in a limo to pick them up. We use what we have, we work within our skills and talents, and we think about how we can sacrificially adjust our lives to be welcoming to those in our communities and lives, to show them the love of Christ.
Welcoming people doesn’t have to be a picture-perfect hospitality event. Don’t let perfection or the stress of perfection keep you from welcoming neighbors or internationals into your life. Welcome them into the imperfection. Welcome them into the need of grace.